My 12 Rules for Life
There was a time – about a decade ago – when I was at my lowest. I was desperately lonely and unhappy and unhealthy, and looking back, it occurs to me that I was dangerously close to coming unhinged. Those were dark days, and I can’t think of a single decision I made during that time that I am proud of.
The silver lining in that ugly space was that I was open - to whatever the answers might be. Every aspect of my life needed adjustment - my health, my career, my relationships... I knew something needed to change, and while I couldn’t quite put my finger on what I should do or how I could do it, I was actively looking for a solution. And that is how I found myself with a dozen strangers at a week-long retreat in Tulum, Mexico, where there were no mirrors or electrical outlets in the rooms and you couldn’t flush toilet paper. It was magical, and it changed absolutely everything.
That week, where I was 1000% outside of my comfort zone every waking moment, set my life on a whole new trajectory. I didn’t know at the time just how profound or far-reaching the effects would be, but I see now that everything that has happened since then took root in that one week on the beach. There was a lot of yoga and exercise and quiet time – in fact, we weren’t allowed to talk in the mornings at all - to give us the space to think deeply and without interruption or excuses: about who we were, who we wanted to be, and how to close the gap between the two.
At one point, we were guided through an exercise to write down “ten things I know for sure and want to share.” This is harder than it sounds. I did come up with a list – at that moment in time it was almost entirely aspirational - but when I found it yesterday, it read exactly like my personal philosophy of life. Which of course I still work at every single day.
I share that list here, unedited, to illustrate how simple (but not necessarily easy) it is to change your life. It just takes an idea of how and who you want to be, and a decision that there is no other choice but to DO IT. When you make a commitment to show up as the very best version of yourself every day, however you define that, and do the small things mostly right, the big things fall into place.
Twelve Things I Know/Believe (Plus Two More That Will Piss Everyone Off)
Be Healthy - Health and Wellness are the foundation for achieving anything; booze, bad food, drugs, not enough sleep, lack of a spiritual connection all contribute to a broken-down machine which will not be able to support you in achieving your goals
Be Active - There is not much that fresh air and exercise won’t fix; take a walk; take a breath.
Be Clear - It’s important to be clear in your speech and language (don’t talk so much about the “delta” when what you really mean is “change”) – say what you mean and mean what you say (acronyms, technical lingo, and emojis are useless). This takes a lot of practice – I know that I pepper my speech with plenty of “likes” and “ums” and “you knows” – this is distracting to listeners and muddled or inarticulate speech causes you to lose credibility.
Be Reliable – show up and honor your commitments; be responsive - answer your emails and return phone calls. Don’t tell people “maybe” when you really mean no. When you say yes, mean it and show up – this alone will put you head and shoulders above anyone else.
Be Authentic – Honest, Straightforward, Thoughtful: think for yourself and form an opinion, don’t just parrot what you hear from others – nodding and smiling are not a sound strategy for real achievement; set clear boundaries; tell the truth.
Be Fearless – or a better way to say it is Fear Less – do the things you are afraid of and your life will change before your eyes!
Be Persistent – every great success is built upon many failures; every failure brings you closer to your magnificent success.
Be Compassionate – give people a break, everybody has a cross to bear/a sad story, and people generally do the best they can with whatever knowledge they have; extend the same courtesy to yourself - If you are going to beat yourself up, use a feather. And Be Available - If you can say yes (help someone), do it.
Be Curious - listen, ask questions, never stop learning – complacency kills!
Be Focused – what you put your attention on grows; make a plan and work it every single day (if you fail to plan, you are planning to fail).
Be a Doer – finish what you start. Do the thing. Swallow the frog. Stop avoiding, stop procrastinating, stop making excuses. Move.
Be Optimistic – expect the best and the universe will generally deliver; your attitude really does matter. (This might be the most important one.)
You have a responsibility to be as happy and as rich as you can be. You never know who will depend on you for support or inspiration.
The clothes really do make the man. Taking the time and effort to present yourself in the best light (sartorially and otherwise) shows respect for yourself, the job at hand, and the people you meet along the way.
What about YOU - have you thought about how to close the gap between where you are now and where you want to be? I think that menopause - or midlife in general, if you prefer - offers the perfect opportunity to chart a new course. It's never too late, and you don't have to do it alone.